Finally it happened!

Finally it happened today. Over $ with mum.

Rightfully today i supposed to pick up my new Filipino maid but last min in the morning the agent called to inform that she is not well cannot pick her. Until she seen the doctor and fit to work.

Apart, so my mum look after my girls until today. From the start, it was either 17 or 18th of the month she started to babysit. So she will be paid on 17 of every month. And along the way, my salary pay day changed to 14 so she also get pay early.

So today, 17, i can dont "pay" her but because she get pay first rather than work first. I still give her $400 of $900. But din pass to her in face, just ask my girl to give her. Upon receiving, she called me and said why i so calculative, count to cents. How can i be calculative? if I m calculative, i would have deducted her pay when she refused to bring my girl to school early for her CCA. And i have to take leave on every thursday morning just to bring her to school.


Why? why? she is my mum, yet she is treating as if i print money! as if i am boss of a company, i must compensate her the whole month. By employing the maid, i already have to pay upfront 2k plus, then marketing money for the next month, their school bus fare etc...

Seriously, I have no idea, what is my life for? For my self or others. I m always sad over other people, husband, mother. 2 closest person. Perhape, I shall....dont know. My mind is always like storm. Endless. One issue after another. I m already very tired. May be i may just end my life like that, because it is too meaningless. Take leave for children, save money for mother.

Cannot take leave for myself, cannot spend money as i like.

I have been asking myself, am I happy? This thou keep coming up to me. Last time I dont use to thinking about it though i know i was unhappy. I just carry-on, perhapse, it was hidden too long, now it was like wanna burst out! I really cant control it.

Is this the life i wan to carry all my life, is this type of relationship i wan to carry on? I have no ideas. I just wan to give up everything and leave this place. I am very tired of this place and the people here. I wish I could. Else just let me die. I have no motivation anymore.

Now i feel that i m very emotional. I will be upset over the smallest thing with him. I don know how long i can continue living with him. I m really too tired. I just cannot control my emotion now. May be I need help!

I want a divorce!

He sent me a email last evening but i din see it. :

this is just to let you know there is really nothing between me and her.

For the yestereday's SMS send by her, I was trying to get her wedding photo to show to you trying to comfor you. But she just said that is her personal photo can not show me.

So you can see that we are not that close as you think.

Some time when her boss give her work pressure on extral work then she will send me sms to say bad thing abt her boss..

My reply:
so all along she still sms u! YET u lie to me only that day! I have already made myself very clear to u, i don like like you have anything to do with her other than work! IF is personsal then it is NO. Since u cannot give a clean cut with her, u cannot bear to hurt her telling her stop sms u abt personal then be it, anyway u have lie to me once and again and again.

This is one that day is after office hour, what abt during office hours? how many times she has sms u and u have reply, or email, or ur other facebook account! All these I will not know! SHE IS A WHORE! SHE DON KNOW U HAVE a WIFE, SHE puposesly want to create this to make me leave u! SHE is so cunning! ALL THESE WOMAN FROM OVERSEA ARE WHORE, BITCH. SHE IS NO BETTER THAN THOSE FROM CHINA!

U HAVE A FAIL marriage because u are too soft to all other women but me! U are harsh to me!

I will go file divorce, I will take the kids with me. U can have the house. then rest of the thing I will let the lawyer do.

Then u can have no regrets and go and take care of ur brother sons and go continue to sms her and comfort her.

He replied:

I didn't say only that day.

what I promiss you is will try to leave this site when I got a chance, because I find is very difficult to tell people to stop SMS me.

I have been spending a lot of money to 4d this few week is hoping to strike a big one then will get out of this site seen you are not happy with it.

I can't just quit and where to find a high pay job..

I didn't lie to you and me and her is nothing at all. even you divoce with me and she will still marry on OCT and nothing to do with me.

Divorce?You ever think for the Kids? will they growth healthy?

You divorce and let that BITCH laugh and happy? and your kids suffer whole live because of that bitch?

And some more she just got her PR liao, and these few weeks her boss was not happy about her performents and give her a lot of pressure(that why she SMS me that day). think she will be leaving soon(maybe after her married). and by then you divorce for a person which is not exist any more? your kids suffer because of no body?

My reply

afterall, u still not willing to have a clean cut with her and not willing to hurt her, still let her sms you, tell you her problem and you comfort her, thinking i m dead! you rather hurt me and your family than hurt her! If you find it so difficult to tell her, I will tell her instead! Why you always protect outside people than protect your loves ones!

I din ask u to quit. All u have to is tell her to stop sms you! Is that so difficult!

Why you still know so much about her, her PR, her wedding photos, etc etc. why why, why talk so much, so all alone you are cheating me,i ask you, u say no, And That day I did ask you at my mum place, you said only "today" . I already say u cannot be friend with her cannot cannot cannot cannot cannot! U can only talk about work and nothing else!

If the kids suffer is all because of you! created all these affairs!

We have never talk face to face at all. U take half day leave and talk to me.

When i sent this last email to him i was at home, that was around 11.40, I guess he would be out for lunch. To my surprise, he came home around 12.15pm! WOW, that was fast. I feel like laugh out, but controlled. Then he asked if i had lunch already, no i said. Then he brought me to East Coast Park to have the Japanese food Waruku. Then we spoke after that at the beach.

He said she probably will leave after she got married in Oct if not he will leave next year after getting his bonus.

I requested that he tell the whore not to sms him, but he said it is not necessary, since he said there is really nothing between them.

Though i din agree, i also din oppose, cos i was too upset. Too upset.

When he returned home around 12.15, he already caught me by surprise, and was not so fuming. I can feel that he was sort of "worried" that I m divorcing him.

After the talk we went for a movie. And headed home after that.

Although I may have forgive him, but in my mind I dont think I will ever forget what I have seen, what I heard. I may still leave him eventually.

I din want to go home

I dint go to mum place after work, i dint say where i m going. I dint go home after work. I went to watch UP by myself. I dint want to go home, I dint want to see a BIG LIAR at home. I am very upset and disappointed. I am very disappointed With him, with mum, with office, with myself!


After the moives, i still dint want to go home. He finally sms, :"Dear when are u coming back." I replied: " I dont feel like going back!" He dint reply. Later he sms me abt Girl's piano teacher haven come, i also din reply him. I just call home to ask.

I took bus home instead of MRT, because i dont want to go home!

We dint talk.

SMS again from the whore!

We had dinner together tonight, then in the car he has got a sms. When he got off the car, I walk beside him and he just look at it and put back into his pocket. At my mum place, he went to wash his hand and headed the toilet. usually he wun use the toilet unles he is really urgent, along the way i din hear him say he is urgent. I suspected. And he took longer time in it. When he came out I asked him, who sms u? He said office people, then i asked again, is she? Then he said ya just today only and complaining abt his boss. I got pissed off! I was really mad. Then i said u i want to see, he said he deleted. Well well well.

I dint talk to the whole night.

It should end here.

We have arugument again, this time is with his family.

Most sad from his word, despite, his regret is not able to take care of his brother's sons.

Since i/we m/are obstructing his freedom to take care of his precious nephews, i or rather we should leave, so that he will not have any regrets in his life.

I m really disppointed. Very disappointed.

If he cant treat his own daughters better than others, he has no rights to treat others better.

He cant /dont even help his own daughters to put on socks and shoes, why should he be helping his nephews to? So by helping his nephews and rejecting his own daughters, his own daughters also has no father like them! Worst right, by seeing own father helping others to put on socks & shoes, yet refused to help them wear!

This time, it is clear to me, very very clear.

I should be doing something serious this time. To write a will.

Deadline will be after my youngest "O" level results out.

My heart.

My heart today is very heavy. Because he doubt my love for him?

I want to stop all these, because I m too sad. I cannot control the sad feeling. I hate this feeling. I want to stop loving him, so that I will not feel sad or hurt by him.

May be he has forgotten I have MVP. Dont know when my heart will collapsed.

How do i achieve it?

Sad become hates!

Somehow, i realised my sadness has turn into hatred! I no longer sad! But the hate towards him is getting stronger! Whatever he said, i will find it irritated and frustrated easily! Somehow I cannot control my emotion now! I cannot control my thoughts! I can forgive but i cannot forget! Worst still he did not make an effort to help me, heal my wound, care about me, think of me? I am getting very very sensitive He thinks i m talking rubbish! He dont think he is wrong!

Perhaps I need to see a psychiatrist! I going mad!

I feel like crying!

I feel like crying!

Well come to think about it!, is all my fault! Is all my fault to know him, is all my fault to marry him, is all my fault that i have this outcome from a stormy and complicated marriage! I am too tired! too exhausted!

I am still very confused! I have no ideas what am I going to? I am clueless! Sometimes, we are ok, sometimes we turn nasty after a day or 2 or after a conversation or questions! I dont know what type of treatments to give him! He can always make me fed-up! Or rather I get worked up with him the slightly problem.

A heartless man!

We had dinner last friday, though still not very happy i still went to meet him. After dinner I asked him, why he doesnt show concern or comfort or ask me? He said he no, he doesnt want to know. Then i asked him again, show concern to me? He never reply me! Ok that is it! I shall call it a end no matter what i do, how i do, you will never want to show concern on me, comfort me! What is the point for me to contribute and yet this is what I have! No concern, no comfort! This is too much for me to take! A husband refused to show concern to his wife, refused to know why the wife is not happy, refused to comfort the wife!

All these time, the effort and love I put in has gone into drain!

He doesnt need a wife! He need a woman without feeling! Thats a robot!

~~ MY Life is way too short to dwell on things that no longer matters, this man. Must let go & move on! Move on to search for new goals in my life! ~~

If not that I have children to think of, I would have file for divorce straight. Told CL, there is nothing that i am afraid to do, just whether I want to do it, or I dont want to do it. Is all the matter of my choice. If i choose to do it, what it the outcome?

Just a meal only what!

I want to get on with my life without dwelling over this, but i find it quite hard, however, I must overcome it! My life is too short for all these!

On Wednesday, I asked to join him for lunch in Suntec area, but he give me all craps reasons, until I was pissed! Say what 12pm timing no good! but u also lunch at 12, and I take only 10 mins to reach there! Then say usually go lunch earlier at 11.45! What the craps, If you alone u still can come out at 12! Then say ok la lunch at Cityhall! I was like why Cityhall? Then he said I scare u walk very far from Cityhall! Then i told him i taking bus to suntec!, But anyway I "bo song" dont want lunch with him! Just a lunch! dont give me so many excuses!. I also meet Angela for lunch there, aso no problem! And what the problem with you!

Yesterday evening, mum dint cook so i sms that I will dine with him. His reply put me off!

"Yesterday did told u tonight got meeting may late leh" So! In the end i reply him "FORGET IT"

If u find me a nuisance, like a beggar to beg u to eat with me, then say so! In future I will not eat with you!

My Last email to u!

Dearest Alson,

Today is 1st June. Since I knew abt this "affair" is already 3months. enough is enough. What i m going to say to u will be my last letters to. In future I dont think i will ever wan to write to u again.

Since the day we are together, you are everything to me. You are very important to me. Your little action, word mean alot to me. But you seldom do it or never do it. To make me happy is very simple, just you never do it, just a walk with you, just a talk with you, just eat with you, just do anything with you alone, i m happy but you hardly do it.

Everytime, I will try to dine with you. Because just to be with you I can be happy! Do you realised that? No bah. Everythings i do i thought of you, I do it for you. Because I love you, I did not do anything that will hurt you, the things I did may have made you angry, but there was nothing to hurt you at all. Even till now, you are always the first priority in my life and over the children.

I married you 13 years ago, because I love you, and want to be with you. I also thought that you will love me like i do, care for me, take care of me, comfort me, help me, please me, protect me, pamper me, humor me when i m sad. But you are not a husband that is willing to provide me with all these.

However, the only time i feel that u care, comfort me was when i gave birth to Queenie. Thereafter, there is no more care, comform, concern, sweet talk. Nothing. Not even "I LOVE YOU!. All these years we fight, but there was none, u say sorry to me. Or comfort me, or sweet talk to me. All you know is to also be angry with me. And we have endless cold wars. You never have been a gentleman.

I have no presents on my birthdays from for so many years, even u have no money, least u can give me flowers, but none only cakes because the children wanted! This is your wife with your 3 kids. Even I took leave on my Birthday, u also dont know. I took leave to go buy birthday present for myself. If I dont buy present for myself, nobody will. Please dont say I also din buy present to you! Being a husband, dont always say that I also din do it and why you must do. Because you are a man, a husband. If her Birthday is here, you will share to buy present for her? may be you will, I think you will also.

Until now this thing happen, to you there is nothing wrong. But to me, is a big insult, humiliate, hurt & pain. Again as I have said many times, My husband has never wrote such sms to me(never "心疼 me), or to call me so many times in day. But You wrote such sms to a woman that u just know for 2-3 months, call her so many times in a day, to ask abt her on "that saturday" even go downstair to call her, u went buy lunch u called her, u went to buy 4D u also called her.

Since when u have called me so many times in day, not even when we are dating. You have never make an effort to do anything special for me, but u wrote the sms to the woman. Just because I dont cry infront of you, just because I m independent, just because i dont vomit infornt of u, just because all these u have never see me doing? For your information, all these i have encountered it in my offices before. I cried before in AGA and CPF office, I have also vomitted in office before, just that u din see it! But there is no one like you in the office show me so much concern! And you also do not know that i suffer in the office! I am also very poor thing! But u dont know! What can i do? Just because I was already your girlfriend, your wife, you dont have need to all these?

U just find excuses. A person wan to travel oversea to work, she should foresee this thing to happen, if she cannot take it then dont act smart to come here and work! Whatsmore she has a DOCTOR boyfriend here, why bother 同 情, 心疼 her! To me, your heart is already with her, dont tell me u 同 情 her. There is no such thing as 同 情 between a man and a woman. If today, she is not attached, i think we probably on road to split. Man will never admit their mistake on such thing. But the fact is that I m hurt by you, the sms u sent to her, the "同 情, 心疼" u have for her! You are not worry that I will be angry. You are not worry at all that I will not forgive you. Or you think I will not be upset or angry. Or I should not have any feeling for your action. I should act like a wood without feeling!

My heart is already very heavy & hurt. I dont when I will go mad or fall into depression. Even there is nothing between you 2, at least you can comfort me, show concern me, sweet talk, or apologise, but YOU NEVER. You choose to ignore all the facts that i m still very hurt & pain. You choose to escape from me.

You choose to leave me alone to face what I m facing now, not willing to share my saddnes, not willing to heal my wound. Not willing even to worry about me! Even " I Love you", you also not willing to say to me, why you cannot say "I LOVE YOU!" before i said it to you? Is it so embrassess for a man to say I love you to his wife first?

Is your pride so high and big, that u cannot say sorry to me?

And your pride so high & big that you cannot protect me?

And your pride so high & big that you cannot pamper me?

And your pride so high & big that you cannot say I Love you?

And your pride so big that you cannot show more concern to me?

And your pride so big that you cannot be more loving to me?

And your pride so big that you cannot hold me or my hand in the public first?

And your pride so big that you cannot stand / sit close to me in the public?

To you, i just like i have knife on my body, that you cannot get close me, always keep a distant from me, ignore me! "this is your wife"To you, i m a wife that will not do you proud.

But I m also a woman. I also need your loving, tender care & concern,And you dont have your pride when you sent the sms to her;And you dont have your pride when you call her so many times in day to concern and care about her. You can lower yourself to do these to her, but you cannot lower yourself to do all these to me?

Every night, when i think of why you dont have me in your heart, i will cry. But you dont know. I just cannot find an answer why u have to do this me. May be you hate me, but you dont admit it,May be you are angry with me for very long time,May be you really dont love me anymore, may be....you really are!Why do i marry you, to let you bully me, hurt me so deep and yet u dont feel is wrong. Even now that I told you i m very hurt, I m very painful, you still think your action is not wrong. Why? The fact that your action have hurt me very deep and pain.

But I still wan to tell you,

I DO NOT LIKE U to eat with her even with other colleagues,

I DO NOT LIKE U to talk to her.

I DO NOT LIKE U to ask her anything at all.

I DO NOT LIKE U associate with her on anything, anything about her.

Because you have 情 on her.

Even if u change the job, there may still have Alice 2, Alice 3, Alice 4 in the new compnay. May be you quit your IT support role, then you have nothing to do with her, you dont have to ask her for approval or any work related issue. If you can control your 同 情心 to her. As i said earlier, you have 1 friend less you will not die, you ignore her you will not die also.

If you still think u "同 情" her with such word "心疼" is alright, nothing wrong, I have nothing to say. All i can say is you do have 情 on her, an outsider, newly made colleague, but you dont have 情 for your wife, a woman you married for 13 years.

The facebook is me who ask you to join, not her! but you choose to ask her for help! U create another account just because you ask her for help and you want to repay her kindness! Because of you want to repay her kindess, you also deactivite the account with us!. I want you to join facebook so that we have another way of communication between you and me, another way to tell you my feeling, but you kill it all! Yes Facebook is no big deal! But just another way to communicate, to improve our relationship! to know about ourselves better!

Every time, i have to made the first move. In a marriage, cannot have 1 party contribute but the other dont contribute. I m already very tired to start the first move every time.

From now, if u not willing to say I LoveYou,

not willing comfort me,not willing to protect me,

not willing to sweet talk me,

not willing to shower your love to menot willing to concern about,

not willing to care about me,not willing to take care of me,

not willing to apologise to me.

Then be it. I will not make to first move again. But dont say I also dont do it, why must u do it? Because you are a man, you are a husband! Woman, wife dont do it doesnt mean man, husband also no need to do.

You wan to carry on with her, u continue, u wan to eat lunch with her, u eat with her, u wan sms her, u sms her, u wan to call her, u call her, u wan to facebooking with her, u just do it, anyway, whatever u do in your office i also cannot see, u wan to hide her name in your handphone i also dont know. U wan to hide and do whatever, u just carry on with it. I will live my own life. I will not be bothering you again, harss you again.

But this memory will not fade away so soon. I still will cry over it, but I will not ask you anymore question, I will not bother about you anymore. We also no need to buy anymore bed, or travelling. I can bring the kids to travel myself.

All I will just blame myself that I do not have a protective parents, that made me into so independent, I will just blame myself for choosing a husband who is also not protective over me. This is my life that no one will protect me, love me more. The person who can comfort and love me was my grandfather who was already dead. I just have no one, this is just my life, then be it!

These is all I have to say and tell you!, If you think I m wu liao or sensitivty, then u can try go ask other people, (your mum, your sister, your other male friends) see what other say about the word "心疼" on your female colleague.

Just remember I m your wife, you are everything to me, I used to put you above everything including the children and I have never done anything that have hurt you or betray you! As you should know that I have already made an effort to change myself and be more loving to you.I hope you can feel and have felt it also.

Sorry if I have taken too much of you time to read my long winder letter. Because I want to close this very uneventful thing. It is too nasty, too cruel for me to handle! I may look happy, but i m just putting up a front!

His reply to me :

Dear, As I say, I am now trying to get out of this site..just to make you feel comfortable.Because what ever I say you will alway think that way.So the only out come is to leave this site.If you still trust me.I lOVE YOU...

This email was sent to him on 1 June.

To My Dear Alson!

Dear, I don't know if u ever have a chance to read my blogs here, but i just wanna say, up to now I m still feeling very hurt & sad of what u have done to me. I do not remember how many nights I have been crying. Most of the times u do not have enough sleep, because of this, I do not want to disturb your rest.

I do not know when will this feeling actually fade away from my memory. May be it will not. I still feel very insecure, because I do not know what else you have hide and still hiding from me.

You have really upset my life totally. My life is now upside down! I cannot cry in front of the children, I can only cry in front of you. But you do not know! I am really really sad & hurt! I don't know when will I regain my trust in you!

Now as and when I think of this my tears will just rolled down, and i have to control because sometimes is at public places, sometimes is at office. You know this is a very cruel things u have done to me! Why don't you feel remorse of what you have done and try to cheer me or comfort me! I really need you to comfort me! I really need!

Because of all these, i have fallen sick 2 times and now it takes longer to recover. Do you know?

I m sick!

Finally I have collasped after these months of fear, disappointment and anger. Very sick. Is having fever, sorethroat, cold, headache and later bodyache.

Went to see doctor on Monday night, but now still having low grade fever, at 37.6 and sorethroat, may be need to see the doctor again tonight. hazi....

I m too exhuasted!

I m going Insane!

I think very soon, i m going to become insane! Every waking minutes my brain, my mind is asking and wondering.....why? why? why? I cant help it, i cant stop thinking, asking, and wondering.

wanna runaway, also no way out! With H1N1, everywhere is so unsafe!

Why cannot?

He did not reply me or give me any confirmation.

I sms him on Friday :"still feeling scare. Can trust u? u will not do behind my back."

he replied : " will not do any wrong thing behind your back."

I sent again :" so u cannot dont associate with her for my sake other than work matter?"

his reply :" wii try to resign from this work site."

These is not the affirmation i want. So is man cant draw a clear boundary between work and personal?

All i want is he tell me, he will not associate with her other than work! Is this so difficult.

I m still very fearful

Until now, at this moment, I m still very fearful, very scare! Really! I cannot stand he do anything behind my back any more. If i were to find out anymore I think i will go mad!. Probably the whole world will know. But the cyber world is so big! And they both are IT people. I really find the woman very sly! But how will a Foreigner not sly when they working overseas here. She is from Malaysia Sarawak. He also never promised me anything. Never!

Is there anyone can tell me how and what should i do?

He remove his fb

I know that he already remove his separate fb account yesterday or the day before. But i was more shock to find out he also remove me from his fb account. Angrily i emailed him and asked "Because of a woman u remove me from your facebook! "

his reply:

"Not remove u.
I deactivated the facebook acct.
because of facebook every body not happy.make you think wildly,
I will never go in/use facebook any more.Is just a facebook only. nothing so importance."

My reply:

U think i like to think wildly? U think the feeling is good,(the past few months, u know how i live? everyday thinking, worrying abt your feeling towards the woman)

when u find out your husband is treating a newly made "friend" better than his wife, with all the very concern messages, praise, the soft talking tone, when i your wife dont even receive any of this from you! Nothing at all! Why, u cant give me that also! I m your wife I also need all the concern, I also need to feel that u love me! Not just say "Love u" only I say it to u first!

All u know is to say love u, not to make u worry i do behind your back, she is marrying a DOCTOR boyfriend!

I know u 2 have nothing but I m very angry with u, u are just too much. U know i dont like, yet u still want to hide and do it secertly! U know i dont like then u should have stop it altogether! JUST WORK and NOTHING else! U have 1 friend less u will not die!

In the past I never questioned those females staff at Lxx Bxxx Hxx! It is not that u cannot have your circle of friends, but not THIS WOMAN!, I m not comfortable! U shld know I have never questioned abt your friends before but this one!

And U always said that a man and a woman can never be good friend, yet u now can tell me she is your good friend (Whom u know her less than half a year) Then How u want me to react and feel!

U just think about it, what if, today the person is me, how would u feel? And i m doing all these thing behind your back, how would u feel and how would u react, probably u would just divcorce me right!

By the way, the xxxx, he was not interested in me that time in Sxxx, he was going after xxxxxx. And also he is not my cup of tea, my taste not so lousy! And that was before we were together. Now is that we are married for 13 years, know for 16 years! U cannot care more for other woman. U also never give so much corncern to Jxxxx, she is also your good friend!

I am a woman, your wife, dont expect me to make the 1st move everytime. Show some gentleman to me.

Thereafter he din reply

I sent him another emailed before i left for home.

If you love me, u should not continue what u have been doing the past few months to her, because i have already tell u I m not comfortable that she is your friend.

For the past 16 years, you have never treat a "girl friend" like her before, and now because of her, u said you need ur circle of friends and she is your good friend. You are also very defenced and protective over her. Please! You should defence and protect your wife and not other woman.

And if you wish to continue to be friend with her behind my back, u will only destroy your family and marriage.

I hope u can spare a thought for my feeling as your wife. I already cannot take any more shock from you and her. bec all these things were found out by me accidentally and saw with my own eyes. I m already sad and disappointed and hurt.

I just want to know these few months is like hell to me! If you love me, please dont let me live my life like hell.

I love you!.

See u later.

He also never reply. But at home before we sleep, he told me he has told one of his manager to find another system admin, he dont want to double as system admin anymore. (He has contact with this woman all because he boss asked him to double as system admin, otherwise there wouldnt be so many storms for me)

We didnt talk!

We did not talk on Monday, Tuesday. Not a single word on Tueday. All because of a woman.

Whom I will call a BITCH!, a WHORE! a SLUT! I m very angry!

Help me from the grave of marriage!

He created a separate FB account for her only. I found out accidentally on Sunday. I was devastated! Why must he do this to me? WHY

1ST reply:

Dear,To create a diff acct is because u don't like to see her or hear any thing abt her. so have to take it away from my alson face book.If u don't like then I disable this acct lo.Love you.

2nd reply:

And for you infomation. she is getting maried on OCT2009..So don't worry about abt me and her..I am just trying not to let u see any abt her only, not to make u worry.Nothing between us.

My reply:
This is what i mean! make no difference where u work here or XXX. even if u go XXX, u still able to do all this,

Now u can cancel this account, u can always do other things behind my back just to keep in touch with her! WHY! SO u intend to keep her as your woman!

She din ask u why u delete her from alsonlim and u create another account meh? Now u delete the account again she wouldnt ask u? That is very funny of you 2! So what is next? a separate Handphone no, rent a room!

U wan me to believe u, but u do so many things behind my back, i really dont know which of what u said is really & true!

Since the day u ask me to sell her my phone i already feel no good, until now so many months, so many promises from u.

If i cannot satify your needs, and u cannot let her go, u please let me go. and u can do what u like, nobody can bother and checked on u!

U r no longer the man i used to know who will never cheat me, who will never lie to me! U have changed because of a woman Axxxx Nxx!

3rd reply:

The true fact is she is getting married on OCT2009 with his Dr Boy friend.
Who will interested in a poor old man?

I keep it behind you is becauce you don't like to see or hear it..

You can have your circle of frirend and I have my friend.It dosen't mean that I want to keep her or what. this is just part of my social live. If that Jason that alway SMS me is a girl..then how? Remeber you friend ALEX..in your old Company..I never ask u abt your friend..but you think how I feel that time? But I still think that you should have you own social live and friend.

If still don't trust me.. just bear in mind.. she is getting married wtith a DR husband.
No body will want a poor married old man.

To think, he actually mentioned an old friend Alex, whom was not even my cup of tea....hahahaha and that circle of our friends all know that I was not interested in ALEX....poor alex was dragged into the picture .....

Woman sixth sense is always right!

I found out something very furious yesterday. I went to his FB to see his friends, just then realised that he has remove the woman from his list. But i still play around his FB, curiously i click on the woman and realised i can see her friends though i din add her as friend. I saw something very familiar. "Lim Siong" with no picture. And this Lim Siong has only 1 friend, that is the woman. Instantly I send a message via FB to this LIM SIONG. This is my message to him

"Why create a separate account for her?U know what i mean!Why must u do this?Dont force me to do nasty things to u!"

If this were you, will you do the same? Or m I too sensitive? I gave up all hopes!

What will I do?

Last night before i sleep, i have a thought. If the woman get married here with her boyfriend and invite him to the dinner, how will i react?

I will properly tell him dont attend. But i know him too well. He will insist to attend. To him, he said there is nothing so why cannot attend? Whats more people already invited him.

If he insist to go, i will leave the house and stay away for a few days. But I have not decide where to go. I can catch a coach to Malaysia, i can check-in to hotel. I can book a chalet... these are what i have in my mind... am i crazy? I think I m going crazy.

Because I still cant stomach it the "SMS".

THAT IS ME!

I m very very very sad. How wish i can end all these. This going no way. I am really very tired of everything, everything!

WHY is he so not understanding....our thoughts are so so different! so different.....

WHY must i get married and entered into this no way out route. no way out!

I want to cry out loud, but i cannot! i dont even have the freedom to cry. A very basic crying also dont have.

Life is so unfair!

Is that an April Fool's Day Joke for me?!

Have another issue again on April Fool’s Day. I was sitting next to him while he was seeing his HP for the 4D results. Then an sms came. I saw “ALICE” and the wording were all in Chinese. He then stand-up, walk away to reply. I was half way through boiling the water. I switch off the gas and walk out of the house as he was going to bath. I was very upset, very hurt. I couldn’t not talk, couldn’t think, couldn’t cry….the feeling was terrible.

When I was downstair, I sms him and asked. “I don’t understand Why the Alice still sms u after office hour! And is in Chinese. And u want to walk away to reply her. Wat is there to talk. So many calls n sms. But u don’t even have so many to talk and sms me. Why r u so good to other woman but so cold to me!” “ I really very sad. WHY! U said b4 man n woman can never be good friend!”

His reply: “That was a April fool day sms forward around…knowing u very sensitive to her..so better walk away…other then that after office hrs seldom sms wat….” “Still angry?. there is nothing between me n her…not cold to u.. ...is really tire after so many days never sleep well…what in mind now is when am I going to die…” “if I m going to die…u thing what else can I do….u think too much… I also nice to u wat…only thing is we been use to it so long u don’t feel it…” “ u think my sleeping problem small matter…. I dum worry from the first month already worry till now…”

The next morning he sms me :” just to let u know I love u…do care how u feel…if u feel uncomfortable I work here….will try to swap to LXX….but have to wait…till got the job….we got a house …3 kid expenses to pay…..”

Have i been worrying unduly? Was i too Paranoid? Or I m going insane! I myself also dont know...Just very scared....very unsafe....may be if he share with me.....may be if he is not so Secretive....may be he shouldnt be so caring towards the woman....all these wouldnt have happened!

你真的爱我吗？

I guess i will never sent out this email to you, since you have told me why we go next year!

这一个月我过得很开心，但也战战兢兢的,因为我每天都还在想。。。。。开心因为我每天跟你说“我爱你”， 你也愿意带我们出国。

可是那天你又说等明年的bonus更好！令我很失望! 很伤心!我要买床,你也要我 50-50....我的新水不到你的一半,可你每次都要我50-50.为什么? 以前,你的新水没那么多,但现在你的新水已经很多了,可是你都不愿意把钱花在我和孩子生上! 你都不愿意为我们save. 如果有一天你有个不幸, 你有为我们想过吗?.以前你可以为了你妈而surrender你的insurances, 为什么你现在不可以为了我和孩子save money?

生了孩子, 你也不愿意栽培, 你现在新水多了,你不要花在我们身上,也不要为我们save money, 那你都把钱花在哪尼? 你欠人钱了吗？为什么你都不让我知道？你都不曾相信我，对吗？

如果我不对你说我爱你,我想,你永远也不会对我说的吧! 在这之前你有多久没对我说了， 好几年了。

这么多年来,你都不曾关心我,担心我,心疼我,帮我, 为什么? 因为我都不再你面前哭, 我就很建强吗?, 不需要你的关怀? 我要在你面前哭,你才会心疼我吗?

每次都离我远远,站远远的,坐远远的,都不会主动接近我?为什么?
当我跟你说"我爱你",你都不说"我"/ "I" 爱你, 你只是" 爱你"/ "love u".
我真的不知道在你的心理,我到底是你的谁?是妻子吗?还是.....只是孩子的妈而已。

你跟我结婚只是要有一个交代,生孩子吗? 结了婚, 生了孩子, 我们就不需要爱情,感情了吗?

每天我们在一起的时间很短，只有一俩个小时,没有么麽时间和你说。

你可以关心,担心,心疼,帮我, 爱我多一点吗? 可以吗？

你知道我也是很累很累,很怕很怕。我觉得我真的很失败

我还是要对你说我爱你！

爱是么麽！

到了今天我才知道么麽是爱！爱是一种奉献，不要任何回报。爱是很简单的。

After showering all my love to him, i feel so happy, because he also can feel it and has been treating me very sweet. I really like this feeling now. I am feeling i m in love with him again. I really hope this will not stop.

That day when he was late in picking me, he acutally asked :"你等很久了吗？" I feel very sweet.

我是非常的爱他的！

如果没有发生那间事，我也不知道我是哪么的爱他，哪么在乎他的。其实，我根本没有哪么生气，反而是害怕的。天啊！真要命！

病了

这几天或一个新期发生很多事让我无法接受，病倒了。因该是新期六那间事让我无法息收。

先是工事凡然后是女用凡，然后我又猜到我的表妹发生了么麽是，好但心！就糟的是我竟发现我老公有益常。他在通话的对象竟是女人，但那不是我们的朋友！当时很想马上问，你在和女人和通话！可是我没问，因为孩子在。

这样我就吃不消了，两天没好好进餐，在加上那天吃的laksa让我肚子不舒服了两三天。我的心情也还没调好，因该是太多刺激了吧！到今天我的情趣也还没调好。

这是他的回应：-

I LOVE YOU too.. but i don't know how to type chinese..talk to her softly is because u were there.. to avoid any misunderstanding i have to talk softly to her .. that girl is the adminisrator as spoken to u..she just back from holiday one week ago with her boy friend(short of small honey moon) ..what can happen between us?
don't think too much.. I know I am father of 3 daugthers and a wife.. I know what to do..
LOVE YOU..don't know how to type in chinese..

我已经不会哭了！

我以为我是一个不会被这样的事打击的，可是我错了！不但被打击也病倒了！

我以为我是不是在乎的，可是我错了！我是非常在乎的！

如果没发生这样的是，我也不知道我是非常在乎他，也非常爱他的！

这就是女人吧！

当一个妻子，女朋友知道他对别的女人小声说话，心疼，关心的时候，他的妻子，女朋友的心都在流血。

这太惨忍了！

没泪了！当我知道到现在我都没哭过！

我已经不会哭了吗？还是我的眼泪以干了！

Suspicious

I M SUSPICIOUS!

Hope that I m wrong! Otherwise, it will really end our relationship for all these years! Since 1993! 

Exhausted

I M VERY EXHAUSTED IN A RELATIONSHIP......THERE IS NOTHING IN IT TO MOTIVATE ME TO KEEP GOING FORWARD.... I M JUST VERY TIRED!

PROBABLY I M JUST NOT SUITABLE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP.....

NOT SO PRO-FAMILY SUP AFTER ALL

MY OFFICE IS QUITE PRO-FAMILY, BUT JUST TO FIND OUT THAT MY SUP IS NOT SO PRO-FAMILY AS HR. WE HAVE AN EVENT BY HR BRING A CHILD TO OFFICE TO ATTEND WORKSHOP WITH YOUR CHILD. I ASKED HR ABOUT STAYING IN THE OFFICE AFTER THE EVENT WITH THE CHILD SO THAT I DONT NEED TO TAKE LEAVE TO BRING BACK THE CHILD, AND HR HAS NO OBJECTION WITH THE ARRANGEMANT BUT NEED TO SEEK SUP APPROVAL. HOWEVER, SUP NOT SO GAME, ASKED ME WHO, WHERE ETC, THEN SAID WILL GET BACK BUT IN THE END DIN GET BACK.

HR, MAY BE CAN INFORM HOD ABOUT IT BEFORE THEY PUBLISH ANY PRO-FAMILY ACTIVITIES. OTHERWISE THE TAKE UP RATE WILL NOT BE HIGH AS HOD NOT SO PRO!

Huo Bu Dan Xing (祸不单行）

Very eventfully week. 1st of all my notebook harddisk crushed!, just only a few days after the 1st year warranty expired!. Got so coincident!....So got to replaced la, cos cannot reformat!yuck! dont buy from Acer!. The expired date was 24 June and it crushed on 28 June!.

Then, my husband new car got some hiccups!, the window cannot closed. Then Girl fell from rollerblading and sprain the wrist! (hairline crack), the stupid idiot cousin threatened her to blade down a slope with a hump!....anymore!....sigh! actually i feel that something bad is going to happen but nvr think that so many....

TO LIVE AGAIN

Today is finally Friday. So tired. Bec we have started our testing again. This time round 6 months...sigh!!!!!!!

Everyday work, go home do housework....no self life!

If i am given a chance to live again, i will not get married. Even if want to get married, probably find a richer and more gentleman. Who can afford to get a maid, car, card, Condo, Cash....the same old requirement lah. If married a man who cant afford all these, might as well don't get married. Because, being single, i will probably be able to afford instead. Bec no need to help-up in household expenses! and being tied down,

Now want to go holiday also cannot! Well in the whole family, i m the most available, anytime can go...but husband cannot take leave, children need to go school! So why get married! Earned money also cannot spend.

Raining Days

It has been raining, this whole year...even the bush fire in March - June period was not really heard of. Since last Dec, the weather has been relatively wet. And history going to repeat again this year.

Yesterday heavy downpour caused many area to flood. And the weather forecast today again is going to be like yesterday. I dont like raining day. I cannot go out, i cannot dry my clothes and many things cannot be done. And still need to carry umbrella. My flu cannot recover also...it has been coming to 2 weeks already. Bec my office aircon is very cold especially on raining days...why rain, why not just snow! That will be more exciting... still can go out just need to put on heavy clothing...Heavy rain also caused my house to have water coming in from wall and window. And i cannot open windows.

I just dont like raining days no matter what although i like cold then hot.

Me in the mist of testing

Aiyo, i m still doing testing, coming to end, to end that is the most difficult part...need to do alot of loose end.....i hate...

Tentatively should end next week...see how bah... some time really need to get into the mood then can do fast....lets hope i can strike the $3m toto tmr....hahahahahahahaha

Then i will quit! so sick with the people here also....sigh!!!!!!!!

Actually m struggling with home & work since that stupid black woman left...still got the cheek to call my mum. Shit! can still say wanna got TW. thinking TW ppl easler to deal with! GOOD LUCK lah! Siao! here we can speak Malay with u, there, think they will speak better! they cant even speak proper English:<

Template

Actually, I quite like this template. Today in a foul mood, but seeing this blog, the mood has brighten up a bit, may be is blue.

What do u think?

Vinegar-Milk

Milk + Vinegar
allow better absorbing of calcium

200ml milk
20ml vinegar

Monday Blues!! **_--_**

Today is Monday and i m very bored, cos i m doing testing.... very sian..

How can I not do this waste money & waste time testing.... Only 1 solution... I strike toto tonight , which is all my children wish... their wish is very simple..I strike toto 650K and i can bring them to school everyday...very innocent right..hahaha ....day dreaming...who knows it come true ******Yeah!!!

New Temp Staff

Yestersday my HR inform us about the new temp staff coming to our section to replace our current temp. But the new temp staff is of another nature, which we have quite a no of them already and we were quite disappointed. But my senior said she will ask the boss about it today when she comes back.

My boss say she didnt select them, ask my senior to inform HR to change. I was so happy. But the HR say that they have sign and we cant change, and to accept it first. Sigh!!!

Today I then realised that my the other temp is not doing the job but starring and playing with forms instead of batching. She is supposed to take over my duties when i m to doing testing for 3 months from next week.

Sian!!!

Finally Thursday...

1 More day to weekend........struggling........so tire.........sigh..& today i have got my yoga lesson, wow intermediate.....come to think of it.......today probably full swing into intermediate leh......scary.......

I am sick

Yesterday i was very sick, went to my company doctor, reached there about 12.10pm, the doctor was on the phone talking to may be a patient for about 10 mins before he saw the 1st patient for another 15mins or so, then there was this lady, wanted to see her report, so the doctor call her in after that, another 10 mins passed, she was still not out. I told the staff, i m not seeing anymore, so long, and there were at least another 2 patients before my turn. Shit!!!

That time was about 12.50pm, and i haven had my lunch. I left to go & tabao my lunch from the bridge, cos it was raining. After the meal, i took 2 painkiller, it only come to effect after an hour or so. perhaps i was really very sick that the medicine take quite some time to be effective.

However, i still felt very heavy though not so aching. Then about 3pm i went up to buy a cup of nescafe, cos i didnt finish my lunch even i was very hungry. Just dont feel like eating. The throat too painful.

So i struggled till 5.30pm, straight to my mum home for dinner, aiya, halfway through my hubby sms me, saying he had to work late, ask me to bring the kids home my self. Oh gosh! im so tired already. no choice lah, we walked home after dinner.

On the way, we met joey's mum, and talk abit and walked to the playground where joey was. I told Victoria, only a while, indeed, after seeing her, she said bye to her, then i asked, why so fast!, she said:"u say awhile mah"hahaha. kid is kid........

And i promised to steam cake for her last night, so no matter how tired, i still need to go prepare & make the cake. Because, is a promise. I really very tired liao... but she dont understand.

I check my temperature only 37.6, well, not too high.

Check again still 37.6. So i go ahead to prepare & make the cake, while steam stage, i went for my bath, aiyo, so cold... i must be very sick, but the temperature only & still 37.6.

Finally, my hubby is back at about 9.10pm. I told i m having fever, need to see doctor now. And i went.

As i was very tired & bodyaching, i could not walk to my usual doctor, as they have moved further away, abt 1 bus stop. So I went to my nearest doctor which i tink still opened after 9pm. I reached, i asked, can i still see the doctor? yes... there was an old man wanting to buy his high blood pressaure medicine. So i waited until she service finish him and left, before she has the time to key in my details. After she return my IC & a card, i dont even have the strength to put them back into the wallet, just stuff into the bag.

Soon i went in, told the doctor, i had fever & sore thoat & he took my tempertaure, it read :"39.1" , oh my god! i never had such a high temperature before, even the last time i had high temp, was only "38.6." [That was 2 years ago, after that i was even hopsitalised]

He went on to asked, u still can work today!, why u endure until now, dont u have a thermometer at home? Yes i have, but just not so high (may be is faulty already, i thought) "It is too high, u want me to give u an injection, if not u cant sleep tonight", ok i said, i can still remembered the last time i have such high fever, i really cant sleep in the night!

WOW, it was painful, but i didnt make a sound... and is still painful today on side of the injection..May be i really have high endurance power i thought! And the bill come to be $45.

He asked me where am i working, i told him, well, your co has got company doctor? Ya, i replied, he went on, so does your co recognise my MC? yes of course i said. And he gave me 2 days from today lah. So high a temperature, how can he not give me 2 days!!!

Drinking Water, the correct way.

Everyday, we need to drink water at least 8 glasses = 2 litres. But are we drinking the correct way, time, etc.

Below will show the time chart, on how we can follow the timing to drink water to healthy body

AM 6:00 (wake up) 500cc

7:00 (after ex) 300cc

10:00 - 11:00 500cc

PM 3:00 (break) 500cc

4:30 (break) 500cc

10:00 (b4 bed) 300cc

In the morning the 1st cup of water, we can use salt water (ie salt 3-5g + 500cc warm water), this only applicable if you do not have any prolong illness (such as high blood pressure, kidney problem), otherwise u can have honey water (ie honey 15cc + warm water 500cc), this applicable if you do not have diabetic & cancer.

If u do have existing illness, then stick to plain warm water.